Farmville is her only friend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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