I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
