at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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