I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
