she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
