So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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