My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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