you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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