Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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