so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
