I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
