I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
