Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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