I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
