drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
