doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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