I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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