Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
