I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
