I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
