we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
