Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
