I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
