peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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