Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
