The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
