In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
