After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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