Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
