Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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