Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
