So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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