her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
