apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
