I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
