look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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