There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
