You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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