Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
