hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
