I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
