stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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