My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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