His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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