Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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