can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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