Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
