idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
