we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
