I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
