Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's blow job season.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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