Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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