I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
