Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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