I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
