Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
