she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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