Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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