Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.