dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.