I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.