Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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