Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize