Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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