is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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