that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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