I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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