I swear she didn't look like that last week.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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