Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
